Behold the Kickmen

Size Five Games

Rank: #2 / 6
Released: 2017
Studio: Size Five Games
Genre: association football video game

At a glance

Behold the Kickmen is a single-player football game from Size Five Games, released in 2017 for Windows and macOS. It plays football for laughs, presenting the sport through the perspective of someone uninterested in its rules. Players begin at the bottom of a league progression and work through matches toward the World Cup. Its listed activities include kicking, passing, tackling, squad management, and scoring goals, alongside a story mode with melodramatic situations and decisions. The game can also be switched into a dystopian future bloodsport presentation. It has Steam Achievements, partial controller support, and Family Sharing. The game does not have online or local multiplayer, so it is strictly a solo experience. Size Five Games is both developer and publisher.

Who it is for

It suits solo players who want a comedic take on football, with match progression, squad management, and story mode. The alternate bloodsport presentation may suit players who prefer that framing to conventional football.

What is good

Story mode with decisions
Kicking, passing, and tackling
Alternate bloodsport presentation
Available for Windows and macOS

What to know first

Single-player only
No online multiplayer
No local multiplayer
Partial controller support

Verdict

Behold the Kickmen turns football into a comic, solo progression through matches, with squad management and a story mode. Its explicit lack of online and local multiplayer makes it a poor fit for anyone seeking shared play.