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Start with curiosity, not a lecture
Ask what your child wants to play and what interests them about it. ESRB President Patricia E. Vance recommends an open, nonjudgmental conversation as a first step in learning about children’s gaming interests. For older children, include them in setting boundaries where appropriate. ESRB’s guidance on multiplayer games also highlights the importance of agreeing on online boundaries.
Questions that invite a real answer include:
- “What’s happening in the game?”
- “What part did you like, or find confusing?”
- “Did anything feel scary or uncomfortable?”
- “What do you think the game is saying about that?”
Listen to the child’s interpretation rather than assuming they understood a scene as an adult would. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) calls for active mediation: discussing media with children, including themes such as violence, sex, and substance use. Merely sitting nearby or playing together does not necessarily mean you have talked through what happened. The AAP’s 2017 guidance on parenting and digital media describes this approach.
Check what the game contains before play
Use the rating as a preparation tool, not as a final verdict about whether a game suits your child. The ESRB system combines an age category, content descriptors, and interactive elements. Read the descriptors and, when available, the rating summary; also check what online, chat, and purchasing features the game offers. ESRB’s ratings guide explains the categories, while ESRB’s overview of its rating system describes its three-part structure and more than 30 content descriptors.
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Make the decision using the game and the child, not the age label alone. Consider:
- Age guidance: the ESRB category and age label.
- Specific content: descriptors and rating summary, including violence, sexual content, language, or substances.
- Interaction: chat, user-generated content, and other online features, as well as ESRB interactive elements.
- Child fit: age, maturity, previous experience, questions, and reaction.
- Family response: a conversation, a limit, parental controls, or a combination.
ESRB ratings are intended to help families understand game content; they cannot determine how a particular child will respond. The AAP’s discussion of parental-guidance ratings likewise treats ratings as general guidance rather than an individual assessment.
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Explain the content the child actually encountered
Sexual content
Use clear, age-appropriate language and answer the question your child asked. Keep the conversation grounded in what appeared in the game and in your family’s values. You might ask what the child thought a scene meant, then clarify any misunderstanding without giving more detail than they asked for or need. The guidance cited here supports discussing sexual themes in media, but it does not provide a tested, game-specific script.
Drugs or alcohol
Ask what the game showed and what your child thinks it means. Correct a misunderstanding calmly, and avoid treating a single scene as a full account of real-life substance use—or as proof the child has learned or adopted a particular attitude. The AAP identifies substance-use themes as worth discussing, but does not supply a specific script for game scenes.
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Violence
Ask how the child felt about the depiction and what they think it means. You can distinguish fictional game events from real-world behavior without dismissing a child who is frightened or upset. The AAP says one violent game or movie will not make a child violent; it also recommends a precautionary approach to violent media for very young children. The AAP’s guidance on virtual violence discusses this distinction.
Choose limits that fit the child and the situation
There is no single response that works for every child of the same age. For children under six, the AAP advises trying to exclude violent media from their media diet. For older children, weigh maturity, the specific content, and their reaction when deciding whether to explain, restrict, or allow a game. A child who is unsettled may need reassurance or a break; a child who is curious may need a calm explanation and a clear family rule.
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Make boundaries practical and specific: which games are allowed, when play is okay, and what to do if a scene or interaction becomes uncomfortable. Parental controls can help enforce household rules, but they do not replace parent involvement. ESRB’s Family Gaming Guide covers ratings, household practices, online communication, child accounts, and controls.
Independent reader supportYour contribution helps us test, update, and keep practical guides available for everyone.Set expectations for online play
Talk before multiplayer play about who the child may interact with, what personal information must stay private, and what to do if another player is upsetting or asks for personal details. Show the child how to block, mute, or report someone. Depending on the service, reporting tools may be available in the game, on the console or platform, or through a chat service; one report path may not cover all of them.
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Make clear that the child can tell you about an uncomfortable interaction and still be heard. If a problem happens, listen first, then help them use the relevant blocking or reporting tools and revisit the boundary together.
A simple conversation sequence
- Before play: Ask what the child wants to play and what they already know about it. Check its rating category, content descriptors, rating summary, online features, and purchase features.
- Explain the boundary: Say what is allowed or not allowed and why, in language the child can understand. Invite their perspective, particularly as they get older.
- During or after play: Ask what happened and what felt funny, confusing, frightening, or uncomfortable. Let the child explain their understanding before you offer yours.
- If there is an online problem: Reassure the child that they can bring it to you, then use the appropriate mute, block, or report option.
These are practical ways to apply the cited guidance, not a clinically tested script. A 2025 ESRB-cited Hart Research Associates survey found that 83% of parents with children who play video games were aware of ESRB ratings and 77% regularly checked them before buying a game. Those figures describe rating awareness and use, not the effects of parent-child conversations.
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